Why is that my life is filled with so much drama? I don't want drama in my life.. I just want to live a simple and happy life. Why am I always sucked into all of these dramatic events when I don't want to be involved in them? How is that these girls are hating me for being nice and helping them cheer up? I don't even get a thank you.. only criticism and shit-talking behind my back.. Why are these girls so inconsiderate, selfish, and indecisive? I fucking hate these girls... All they want to do is drink and get fucked up every night... and they complain about being fat and having to lose weight.. When others are around, they act totally different. They act like a total ass/ bitch.. I hate being around them now.. It seems like the more I hang out with them, the more things I start disliking about them. They are so arrogant and addicted to drinking. They have no manners at all.. especially "G"... she thinks she's like the prettiest girl in raleigh and thinks she's better than everyone.. whatever.. I've been really patient with them everytime we've hung out, but their behavior is just getting worse and worse... Now, I'm at that point where I cannot tolerate with their shit anymore.. I'm DONE with them.. for GOOD.. I don't even have the energy to talk to them about it. It's too late. They've crossed the line. I'm only going to talk to them once more to straighten things out and tell them my point of view and not talk to them anymore.. I tried working things out with them, but I can't deal with it anymore. They basically do not like me or trust me because they ask for their old id's back. I was only being nice to them and polite this whole time... but they only think negatively about me.. that really is not considered as a friendship.. I'm assuming I'm just an acquaintance.. actually not even an acquantance, now that they blocked me on facebook. That is just so immature of them to do.. seriously.. If you have a problem with me, you need to straight up tell me in person or at least on my phone. Come on now, we're fucking adults now. I'm really sorry for the foul language in this blog, but there is so much anger and stress building up inside me.. I just need to let everything out, so I will calm down some and have a sense of relief and some closure. I really hope to talk to Yunhwa unnie, Chanelle, Diana, Lisa, and K ohppah soon. They've been there for me ever since I've met them. I really hope I'll be able to reconnect with my old friends and get to hang out with them more often during the next school year. And I really hope K ohppah comes to Raleigh to see me sometime this year. I'm definitely going to try to hang out with Diana more this year and also talk to Chanelle more often. I'm glad that I have some really good/reliable friends~ I don't know what I would do without them. I'm really thankful for having such wonderful friends in my life. I think the lesson I have learned is that strengthening old relationships is so much better than making new relationships on the long run. You are totally right Chanelle~ 

So.. I realized that I tend to write blogs on Xanga when it's time to take exams ><; I guess I just get really stressed during those times and feel the need to write about my thoughts. Hrm, tomorrow will be my final exam for Summer Session 1 and I am very nervous about it. But once I finish my final exam, I will be done! Then I can celebrate and relax for 2 days before Summer Session 2 starts~ I'm also pretty ecstatic about hanging out with Minji at the pool/tanning on Wednesday, celebrating my new roomie's birthday on Thursday, going to the club dressed in "Lingerie/PJ's", getting my hair done on Friday, and going to Virginia to see my cousins/aunt/uncle Saturday-Monday to celebrate Independence Day~ ^^; So.. Tuesday and Wednesday, I need to prepare for my next Summer classes and get my textbooks for that. Oh yeahh, my Victoria Secret swimwear should be here by the end of this week, i think~ :) What else... I also need to talk to K ohppah once finals are over and do webchat with him~ Friday, I'll be going to back to Fayetteville after classes are over. Maybe I will hang out and catch up with Youngjae ohppah~ Hrm, I need to reschedule and meet up with my counselor to discuss about school and my personal life. Then, sign up for fall classes. Grr, I also need to buy my parking permit in the beginning on July. So many things to do. Oh boy.. Lately, I've been putting a hold on my social life. I got lunch and dinner with Grace unnie last week and had lunch and dinner with Patrick on Thursday. Hrm, I met up with Handoogi at his apartment and catched up with his life. And attempted to make jello shots Thursday night. It ended up tasting too strong because we put too much vodka in it ><; but I will know what to do next time~ Saturday morning, I went to Fayetteville to watch the Fifa World Cup soccer game [South Korea vs. Uruguay]. We were doing sooo well, but ended up losing [1:2]. It was a really good game though. I enjoyed watching it~ Lots of suspense! Saturday night, I stayed in to study, do homework, watch "Ondine", paint my nails, and do a facial. Today, I have been relaxing and studying all day. Hopefully all of this studying will pay off tomorrow morning~ I might hang out with Patrick sometime this week before he goes to training camp for a month. I need to call Christina sometime after finals also.. ><;; Haven't seen her for 2 weeks o_O.. weird.. Two weeks from now, I will be going to the beach with Tanya and Krisha. & Amy Lai wants me to go to New York City with her around August 12th~ I really hope I can go :) It's been 9-10 years, since I've gone to NYC o_O.. Woah! I didn't realize until now that it's been that long! Oh yeah.. I decided to keep the Wii and bought another game to play on it~ It's soo funn! Ah, I forgot the name of the game, but it's kind of like Street Fighters (Capcom). I just remembered! It's called "Tatsunoko vs. Capcom Ultimate All-Stars"~ The new Twilight movie is coming out this week~ I'm looking forward to watching it <3 AND of course, I am going to work out alot~ My goal is 3 times this week~ so... Monday, Wednesday, Friday for 45-60 minutes (1.5-2 miles, squats, lounges, arm exercises with weights, and leg press machine)~ Anyways, I should finish this webassign soon and go on with my studies~ Here are some update photos~ 

So, lately I've been having so many different thoughts about my life. The first thing on my mind is the big career concern. "Will I get into med school?? Will I graduate on time? Will I be prepared enough when it is time to take the MCATs? What do I need to do to make my resume stand out from other people??" I also have been concerned and questioning my feelings for this new guy my friend has introduced me to. He has not really showed any times of interest after that first week of meeting. So many people say that he is a player and is not a good person.. One part of me thinks this way, but another part keeps on wanting to try to get to know him and try something new. Would it be worth it on the long run? Probably not... but there is something inside of me that wants to try anyways.. This has been bugging me the most these days, but I don't really want to talk to my friend that introduced me to him about this issue. I already know what she is going to say. All I want to do is talk to him and see how he feels and what is going on in his mind. I have never in my life met such a confusing and indecisive person as him. I really was going to forget about him until he called and was at my front door. Was he really not ignoring that past week because of work or was he just making an excuse to get to give him a ride to his friend's place? I really do not understand him. What am I supposed to do in this situation? I haven't done anything wrong. I don't have bad looks and I have a really nice/caring personality. Plus, I can be playful at times. I don't know why these relationship issues keep me soo busy and not able to concentrate as much on my studies. Why does always happen to me? Why can I soo  vulnerable when it comes to relationships and boys? My life would be so much better if K ohppah and I started a relationship and if he lived in the same city or state... Because he lives so far away, I am keeping my relationship options more open and looking for other potential boyfriends. I don't understand why the relationship factor always haunts me and never cease to leave me alone. I wish someone would tell me something I want to hear. I know sometimes I need to face the dark and upsetting truth, but sometimes I still want to hear something good out of something bad. you know?? I am also having totally opposite thoughts about my ex-boyfriend. Why is he so concerned about me now? He used to not care about me at all when we were together.. Why is he treating me so well now?? He is confusing my thoughts and feelings all over again.. Has Patrick really grown up and become more mature finally? I'm just so confused... I don't know what to do now.. I don't have any mental or physical feelings for patrick anymore, but why is he changing so much now? What am I supposed to react to this change? Also, I still need to tell Hyunsuk about my feelings for him. That I don't like him that way. Then, also with Lisa... It seems like she has really grown up and matured also like Patrick, but is she just like this because she hasn't seen me for half a year or does she genuinely care about our friendship? I would like to think that she really cares about our friendship. Maybe it is also the same with Patrick. Maybe he actually genuinely care about me and his relationship (i mean friendship). I feel like I am just becoming a mess while other people are becoming better people. I feel like I have not been paying much attention to myself and giving too much attention to others.. I've always been like this, but I feel like it's getting worse over the years. I know this is really bad for me because people can take advantage of me this way. Maybe that is what Jesse did to me.. I really don't want to think of it that way though.. Why do I still have feelings for him? After all the times he has ignored me and cancelled on our plans. He really is not worth my time and work. He really isn't... I always say.. "I'll give him one more chance..", but that chance is already expired by now... ""sigh"" my love life is so complicated. I wish I could have a simple relationship that I do not have to worry about.. My wish is to be in a relationship with K ohppah, but if we did end up going out, would I be able to handle being so far apart from him? I would still be hurt and be sad at times. I wish there is no sadness in relationships.. I only wish for happiness, but I know that it never ends that way. I have already wasted so much of my parent's money. I feel terrible for doing this to them... I really should get a job and make my own money to pay them back for college.. but I never had a job before. I don't know what job would suite me the best. I want a job that makes good money and also teaches me something I can use later on my life. Something in the medical field. I really need to contact that Ophthalmology clinic to see if I can observe and shadow at their office. I want to see if this is really what I want to do for the rest of my life. or if I need to change to another medical field. I can't believe that all of these thoughts have been on my mind. I'm so overwhelmed by the thoughts in my head. I do feel really relieved now that I have all of these thoughts written down, so I can refer back to. It is much more organized now. I think my friends' brains would be fried and worn out from hearing all of this, so I think this is something that need to be resolved with my own hands. So, in order, here are the thing I need to do and resolve in the next couple of weeks: Jesse, pay for summer session 2 by june 15th, debating on giving Jerremy the Wii back, get a Wii game, buy more MAC makeup wipes, Patrick, K ohppah, MCATs, make resume, contact ophthalmology offices, fall semester registration, parking permit, keep up with summer classes, and get a job. Oh, I also need to go to church on Sunday more often. Father, please help me to get over with this week well and help me to get all of these problems and thoughts figured out and settled soon. I know it will be extremely hard without your help to accomplish.. Thank you for everything you've done for me up til now~ <3